Heeeyyyyyy Thereeee Friend I Put On My Crush List And Subsequently Unexpectedly Hooked Up With,
Sooooooooooooooooo I think that drunkenly making out on grad night wasn’t the best way to say goodbye after four years. I swear I was trying to go for “lighthearted fun” and not “aggressively creepy” when I grabbed you and pulled you behind that mod. Also, I have no idea what I said at the time JUST IN CASE I said anything vulnerable and remotely true - Remember, I WAS BLACKOUT!!!!!!
So even though we’re not really close friends (but have inevitably ended up in the same Milliken suite dozens of times), I want to tell you that I’ve really enjoyed our friendship! I want to let you know that you’re someone I would love to have in my life as a friend. A platonic friend. A very very platonic and special friend. Even though we were more than friends for a night WHICH I ALSO REALLY ENJOYED.
So I just WANT TO BE CLEAR that I haven’t been waiting all these years to jump you on the last night of school behind a modular home. I just want to maintain a friendship! As a friend! Even though you are exactly the kind of guy I would TOTALLY fall in love with anytime anyplace anywhere just say the word. But it’s cool and shit.
It’s the day after graduation. I haven’t slept ahhhhhh so this email might be totalllyyyyyyyyy crazy and spazzyyyyyyyy and make no sense at alllllllllllllll and I’m saying this just in case you never respond and I can blame this whole thing on my hangover!!
Cheers,
YOUR GENUINE FRIEND WHO SWEARS SHE HASN’T BEEN LUSTING AFTER YOU FOR YEARS BUT WOULD CONSIDER RELOCATING TO YOUR CITY IF YOU ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE
P.S. I know you were banging my friend during senior week. But it’s not a big deal!